i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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