you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
