I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
