did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
her vagine was all disorganized.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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