I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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