Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
