Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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