and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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