he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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