Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
