If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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