You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
