I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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