Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
