so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
