bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
