If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
