you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
