Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
