i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
