is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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