She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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