"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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