They should really pass out barf bags in church
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
