He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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