I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
