During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
