Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
