Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
