I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
