Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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