I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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