Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
