i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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