Got a toothbrush?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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