summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
