Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
