after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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