Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
only if we run a train.
done.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
