just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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