he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
