WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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