In America we eat man semen.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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