I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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