I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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