I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
