I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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