OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
