So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
