I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
