I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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