i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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