he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
