Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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